Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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