just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this boner is exhausting
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
