We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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