She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
