We named our party play list daddy issues
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
