Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
