Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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