I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
