Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
