Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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