ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
