You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize