That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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