I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Boobs speak an international language.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
