I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
