im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
