Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize