True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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