i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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