69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize