My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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