sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I did not marry a roomba.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
