Can i not drive my cunt home
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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