508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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