Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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