Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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