I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
