Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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