There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
