Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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