is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
