I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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