On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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