I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
