Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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