You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
