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• (810): View more from Michigan

  When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  that probably didn't help your case.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight

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• (805): View more from California

  My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Another day, another engagement, another cat

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• (234): View more from Ohio

  Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright

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• (716): View more from New York

  ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning

  (334): View more from Alabama

  ...did you just create a word for what we did?

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.

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