You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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