I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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