you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
