Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
