he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
