First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
