omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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