Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is the high leading the old right now
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize