i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize