I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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