youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
