i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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