We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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