Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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