She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
