YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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