when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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