I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
