look no pants
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
