how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
