Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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