Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
