oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Floor bacon is actually really good
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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