i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
