Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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