Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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