i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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