If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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