Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
