Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
