this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
